Bold Fortune

fortune favors the bold

Month: March, 2015

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

by mollykl

So, no, this isn’t going to be sexist rant about men, but have you ever noticed….?

Well, in the first place, have you ever cocked an eyebrow at a guy who announces he hates kids and is never having them?

What about a guy who returns to work promptly after the birth of his child and works 40+ hour weeks?

A guy who makes time for his friends, his hobbies, the things that make him “him”?

No, you probably don’t. I don’t. I had a friend at work today tell me how much he hates kids and all I did is laugh and say, “Well, then I’m never letting you watch son j.” I have plenty of female friends who also hate children and are never having them (and some who actually like children…when they’re someone else’s, but they’re still not having them). Having been in the “I hate kids” camp I understand and don’t drag out the “you’ll regret it later” line (which I had heard, is condescending, and you’re an asshole).

Which bring me to this: you’re damned if you do, you’re damned if you don’t.

No matter what decision you make, kids / no kids, stay at home/ work outside, if you’re female you’re going to be judged for it. If you’re male, well, then apparently you get a free pass.

But, damn, we women get screwed on this. We’re judged by society but mostly we’re judged by the one group who should understand and be accepting – other women. Instead we draw battle lines. Whatever I say isn’t going to change anyone’s mind. All I’m saying is: you might want to figure out why you’re invested in this fight.

 

(dis) or (connect)

by mollykl

Read any criticism of social media and one of the main themes is the lack of real connection. I don’t really argue that. I work for a fairly large company and over the years I’ve worked at quite a few stores and have made quite a few friends, many of whom I am friends with on Facebook. It’s a nice way to keep in touch with people, see their kids, whom I might not see otherwise, and keep up with what’s going on in their lives. I have friends that I talk with more via Snapchat than I do in “real life”. (I have one friend who is very reticent whenever we’re actually in the same room together, but “talks” to me quite a bit via text…ok, that I find weird).

There’s definitely a disconnect on social media and text that I’m very aware of, but today…well…today.

It’s been a tough week, and we’re only 2 days on. I don’t know why. I had a great weekend, wonderful time with son j and husband J, time fishing, time hanging out, beautiful spring weather. But this has been a hard week. And this afternoon it hit hard. I tried meditating, I tried practicing my fly-casting (which is another form of meditation), I tried cleaning (ditto). Nothing worked. So I picked up my phone and texted my friend A. Just told her I was trying a new recipe. Just to connect. Got an immediate response. An offer to help. Despite the “experts” opinion that there is no real connection via social media or text, it did help. I felt better, I felt more connected, and I laughed. I sent her a picture of the floor after I dropped the spoon (loaded with Chicken Tikka Masala) on it. Wasn’t mad, or upset, just laughed.

I kind of suck at asking for help. Oh, at work if I need help with a project or a display I have no problem. But asking for support when I’m just having a bad day (outside of TELLING my friend B “Do not fucking mess with me I’m having a bad day!”) I’m not so good at.

I think I just got a little better at it.