How to use social media to get your ass fired

by mollykl

My co-worker Dezi helped me out with this post, which sprang from a conversation we had about social media blunders that we saw, sadly, daily. They are, of course, common sense, but what we think of as common apparently isn’t.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

1. Call in sick and then tag yourself having bottomless mimosas/bloody mary’s.

2. Call in sick and find yourself inadvertently tagged in a swimsuit, at the river, holding a beer. (And top it off by being under 21)

3. Arrive late to work after having posted the night before about the party that you left at 2 a.m..

4. Call in sick to work after having posted the night before about how drunk you are. (Note: even if you genuinely have the flu, just get your ass to work, because no one will believe you anyway)

5. Call in sick to work for an “accident” when you’ve posted proudly that you were drunk and got into a bar fight.

6. Complain about your work incessantly. Yes, everyone needs an outlet, but is complaining about your job when you’ve friended your mangers a smart move? Me thinks not.

7. Complain about your life constantly. Did you get up this morning? You did? Well, then you’re one step ahead of many. Stop whining, people remember that shit. (Thanks to Court for this one!)

8. Post wildly inappropriate pictures of yourself. Want to do it anyway? Fine, just consider un-friending your co-workers. One day one of them may be your boss and they don’t need that image in their head when it’s time for your annual review.

9. Post on Facebook that you’re going to be late. DO NOT TAKE THE TIME TO POST – JUST GET YOUR ASS TO WORK.

and finally the most annoying:

10. Post on facebook when you’re supposed to be working. You complained constantly about Timeline, did you never notice that there’s a timestamp on each post you make? Yeah, everyone can see that you posted that witty comment 2 hours ago, when you were supposed to be working. People pay attention to that – not just managers, but seething fellow associates who were, 2 hours ago, WORKING. (And if we don’t work with you we’re still a little bitter that while you go to work and feel important, we’re actually working as you, importantly, are screwing around on Facebook)