You should listen to me, I’m a mom

by mollykl

Some moms give sound, practical advice involving wearing sweaters and washing hands. Good for them. Since they’ve covered that, I’ll just add a few things that I think are essential.

1. Never add bottled lime juice to a gin and tonic. Just. Don’t.

2. Never go on the Kindle store when you’ve been drinking.   It’s too easy to spend money on crap that you don’t really want. And you’ll have to face up to it the morning. It’s the book-lovers equivalent of finding anyone, and I do mean anyone, to take home after a night at the bar.

3. Never invade Russia. Winter’s always right around the corner and you can’t get out in time.

4. Never read “Lolita” on the bus. People think you’re creepy. Actually, they also keep their annoying kids away from you, so if you don’t like kids, go ahead. Of course, then the REALLY creepy people talk to you. But not the stupid creepy people, because they have no idea who Vladimir Nabokov is.

5. It’s ok, pick the cookie up off the ground and eat it.

6. Learn how to throw a punch. You can be a pacificist if you want, but at some point you should probably know how to defend yourself. More importantly you should be able to defend others.

7. Always be nice to the “not quite so pretty” friend, roommate or sister. It scores you points, and you look like more of a gentleman for it.

8. Learn to make a really good cup of coffee.  So many people don’t know how. (Although I once had a fabulous cup of powdered, instant coffee in Paris. It was morning, the sun was shining and I was in Paris with my soon-to-be fiancée. Yeah, could have been the ambiance, and not the coffee)

9. Buy a round.

10. Be nice. This does not mean “be a pushover” or “be a doormat”. This means be nice. Pleasant. Sincere. And when you discover that the other person is a jackass you can stop being nice. (Note: sometimes this is when “learn how to throw a punch” comes in handy)