“You know, it occurs to me that marriage is rather more difficult than I expected.”

by mollykl

Husband J brought home burritos instead of the beef tacos I requested.While they were from Oscars, and probably most people would find them delicious, they were not what I wanted, and I ended up putting them in the fridge for him to take to work tomorrow for his lunch. He’s been trying to get me to tell him what else I would like so he can go get it, but I’m being stubborn and saying no to everything. Please note: when I’m being a bitch I will proudly admit it. I’m not being a bitch, I just don’t want him to go get me anything. Yes, I’m still irked by the fact that I didn’t get my damn beef tacos, but I’m not doing this as some archaic form of punishment. I’m also not doing it so I can just stay mad at him. I’m actually not even mad.

I’ve been thinking about marriage these past couple of days. I just finished reading Deanna Raybourn’s Dark Road to Darjeeling, with its newly married protagonists Julia and Brisbane, and was very impressed with the fact that this fourth”Julia Grey” novel not only lived up to the previous books, but somehow managed to have more depth and character development. (As you might have noticed from previous posts, I like character development.) The presentation of marriage, as a state, was so spot on it took my breath away.  Life was not “happily ever after.”  Being married has its own problems, creates some new ones, and brings some old ones out of hiding.  The same character flaws that were perhaps overlooked previously (Brisbane’s stubborn care for Julia’s safety, which can come off as overprotective, coddling and condescending) or were never seen in a certain light (Julia’s sister Portia calls her “selfish” admitting that all the Grey children are because of their wealth and upbringing) are here for our hero and heroine to see, and more importantly, to deal with.  There’s not even the simplistic “fight-make-up-all-is-well” formula. They argue, and then argue about something else. They both act out. They deceive one another, sometimes with noble, sometimes with selfish, aims. They both find giving up independence difficult. You know those couples who seem to think and act as one? Yeah, me neither. I try to avoid those couples because they’re annoying  and I don’t trust them. Thankfully, Julia and Brisbane are not like that, otherwise I’d have to stop reading.

If you think that marriage is supposed to be easy, and that all of your problems will go away if you can just get that ring, don’t bother reading Dark Road to Darjeeling. You won’t appreciate it.

But I know that it’s hard, and requires, sometimes, more honesty than I can bear to give. I also know there’s no one in world I love more than my husband, even when he forgets the fucking tacos. Sometimes I get lucky and read a book that reminds me of that.